Sep 19 Views (405)

How to Having A Wonderful Destiny Life

Destiny can be a demanding experience. As your new life partner, certain challenges may arise as you move forward in your new-found existence. This guide is here to help you work through the guaranteed turmoil.


How to Having A Wonderful Destiny Life


Have you read the Destiny User Manual? It includes invaluable, in-depth how to's such as:

- Avoid All Types of Responsibility Until Absolutely Necessary

- Scour Reddit While Doing Just Enough Work at Your Job to Not Get Fired

- Complete 10 Strikes on 1 Hour Of Sleep (much wow such ratio!)

- Avoid Death From Lack of Sunlight-provided Vitamin D

- Give Up Smoking, Alcohol, and Drugs Cold Turkey All in the Same Week

Other lovers of Destiny have made suggestions to their friends, offering advice on how to make the best of daily bounty completion followed by farming for an hour, then 7 strike runs, finishing with 12 rounds of crucible, but then going to Venus last min for some patrols because to hell with sleep. Start by cooking and eating all meals during loading screens (its possible), maybe move in with your mom to save on everything, buy a subscription to red bull on amazon, try a stimulant drug addiction, or giving up sleep entirely. All proven methods.


Also try these ideas:

  1. Use all of your vacation time
  2. Stop wearing clothes, because clothing = laundry = less Destiny
  3. Buy a PS Vita so you can literally play anywhere until the battery runs out and it becomes a brick (more on this later)
  4. Use your lunch breaks for abnormally long secret Destiny sessions
  5. When your significant other tells you something, don't bother listening, just say "It doesn't matter!" and keep playing Destiny
  6. Move somewhere very cold so there's no reason to be outside where distractions from Destiny live
  7. Purge your life of all things non-Destiny related because duh

Last but certainly not least, and I cannot stress this enough: never forget to say hateful things to The Cryptarch. Or maybe throw a brick (Vita???) through the windows of his shop. Just sayin'.


The enemies of the traveler aren't going to kill themselves... But they will kill each other, in huge epic battle royales. Might actually want to watch out for that. Carpe Diem!